Chapter 3 - The Dinner He Thought Would Save Him
Ethan noticed the change only when it began affecting him.
He noticed when I stopped reminding him about his mother’s birthday.
He noticed when I did not order the wine for his faculty dinner.
He noticed when his tuxedo appointment confirmation went unanswered.
But he still did not ask the right questions.
Instead, he tried to restore the old version of our relationship through routine.
One Sunday evening, he made dinner.
That alone should have surprised me.
Ethan had not cooked for us in nearly a year.
He opened a bottle of wine, lit candles, and put on the jazz playlist we used to play when we first moved in together.
When I came home from a long shift, he stood in the kitchen smiling.
“Date night,” he said.
I looked at the table.
Pasta.
Wine.
Candles.
A carefully constructed version of intimacy.
“What is this?” I asked.
“I thought we needed time together.”
“We do?”
He laughed awkwardly.
“Claire.”
I set down my bag.
“What?”
“You’ve been distant.”
The words almost made me laugh.
“I have?”
“Yes. You barely talk to me now.”
I looked at him.
“You mean, I stopped asking why you miss appointments you promise to attend? I stopped asking why you come home after midnight? I stopped asking why Sophia has a special ringtone on your phone?”
His expression changed.
Not guilt.
Defense.
“Sophia is my colleague.”
“I saw the video.”
He went still.
For several seconds, neither of us moved.
Then he said, “What video?”
“The one where she asks whether you are going to marry me. The one where she says you have always loved her. The one where you pull her closer after she kisses you.”
Ethan’s face drained.
“Claire, it was not—”
“Do not insult me.”
He swallowed.
“It was a mistake.”
“One hundred and twelve days?”
His eyes widened.
“You knew?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
I stared at him.
“Because I wanted to know whether you would.”
He looked away.
“I was confused.”
“You were planning a wedding with me while sleeping with another woman.”
“I did not sleep with her.”
I did not respond.
He exhaled sharply.
“Not at first.”
There it was.
The truth, arriving only after it could no longer save him.
“I love you,” he said.
I felt something sad move through me.
Not hope.
Grief.
“You love having me,” I replied. “You love the life I made easier. You love that I organized everything you forgot. You love that I waited for you. But you do not love me.”
“That is not true.”
“Then why did you leave me in a courthouse for eight hours?”
He said nothing.
“Why did you let Sophia try on opinions about my wedding gown?”
“Because I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of hurting you.”
I looked at the candles flickering between us.
“You hurt me because you were afraid of losing two women at once.”
His face crumpled.
“I never meant to lose you.”
“You did not think I would leave.”
That was the truth.
Ethan did not believe I would go because I had spent years accommodating his career, his schedule, his research, his exhaustion, and his excuses.
He thought love meant endless flexibility.
He thought commitment meant I would keep bending until I broke.
“I accepted Seattle,” I said.
The room went silent.
“You what?”
“Pacific Crest Medical Center. Three years. Advanced surgery training and faculty development.”
“You cannot be serious.”
“I signed the agreement the day you missed the courthouse.”
His face went pale.
“You are moving across the country?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
“Fourteen days.”
“Claire, our wedding is in fourteen days.”
“No,” I said. “It was.”
He stood abruptly.
“We can fix this.”
“I am not asking you to fix it.”
“You cannot make a life decision because you are upset.”
I almost smiled.
“My life decision is not about being upset. It is about becoming the person I was before I began shrinking myself to fit into yours.”
He looked at me with panic rising in his eyes.
“What about us?”
I picked up my glass of wine.
May you like
Then I poured it slowly into the sink.
“There is no us left to discuss.”
