Chapter 9 - The Apology That Was Not Enough
Two years after the gala, Sabrina wrote me a letter.
She had completed a plea agreement involving restitution, public service, and financial penalties. Her public career was gone. Her name had become a warning in stories about scandal, entitlement, and cruelty.
The letter was short.
Vivien,
I thought hurting you would make me important. I thought being chosen by Damon meant I had won something.
I was wrong.
I saw you as weak because I was afraid that without attention, I had no value.
I am sorry for striking you. I am sorry for every time I tried to make you feel small.
You do not owe me forgiveness.
— Sabrina
I read the letter once.
Then placed it in a drawer.
I did not write back.
Forgiveness was not an obligation.
And accountability did not require my comfort.
The following week, Damon asked whether I had heard from Sabrina.
“Yes,” I said.
“What did you say?”
“Nothing.”
He nodded.
“That is fair.”
“No,” I said softly. “It is necessary.”
He looked at me.
“You are right.”
For years, both Damon and Sabrina had expected women to carry the emotional labor of their wrongdoing.
To forgive.
To soften.
To explain.
May you like
To make everyone feel better.
I would not do that anymore.
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